If I Knew What Any Of The Sigur Ros Song Titles Meant, I'd Incorporate Them Into This Headline

My winter break has been over. I've disregarded this fact for a couple weeks now, but the time has finally come for the last night of the longest college break I know of, which, sadly, is now over. I realize I've probably spent way too much money on gas and inconvenient meals driving out to a town I've never once lived in to see people I didn't even grow up with. The thing is, I don't regret any of that time spent driving 30-minute straight shots and ensuring my early-on, greasy heart attacks. According to the last conversation I had in the last car ride I had tonight, the last month has been nothing but enlightening, in so many unprecedented ways.

Sometimes, everything matters. The people you find around the abstract corners of your life can become the driving force of any hope you have in anything. When you can look past your dashboard at the sign pointing towards your exit and feel the same fuzzy feeling you get when you come home from vacation, especially in a place you've never held residence, you know you've found some kind of treasure. Who knows how long you've known these people. Regardless, you know they've changed your life.

Other times, nothing matters. When high school is over, walk around a college campus and see how many people care what happened at that dance Senior year. One day, take a break from your school day or your work day, drive a few towns over, and see how many of those people judge you by who your friends were last month. If you get in a relationship, see how much longer it lasts if it's never about who pays, where you go, or what you do. Find a few interesting people and see if you can't have one of the best nights of your life in a basement with no alcohol and no drugs. See what happens when you round up everything and everyone that makes your life miserable in any way and get rid of 'em. See if you aren't happier.

I know this isn't some kind of crazy end. In fact, some of these people are still around, not away at college. This isn't any kind of epic goodbye, because reality is there is still Spring break, there is still Summer, and there is still a thing called visiting. This is a crazy moment though, because I never once thought I could let go of years of social stigma in just one month of great people and great times. This has been transcendental. This has been love. I think I may have cried a little tonight.

So Take a Breath and Try to Keep it Down 'Cause I Love These Girls, But I HATE THIS TOWN!

Winter break. It's not usually supposed to be life-changing. But we're talking about my life here, so what are the chances of anything unfolding in a normal manner?

I've spent more time about five towns away from here than I've spent doing all of my other planned activities combined. I know some phenomenal people out there, and I wish I would have met all of them sooner, as to have hungout with them all through high school. It would have been worth it, because in two weeks, they've made me realize a few incredible things.

This town means nothing. There are a few select people who have treated me like garbage. There is one person in particular who has treated me as a subhuman character, way more than I ever thought imaginable. There have been times where I've wanted to somehow become friends with so many people who refuse to get to know me. I've been misinterpreted, judged terribly, and moreover, never given chances. People here have hurt me a thousand times more than everything in middle school that made me excited to move to a new district in the first place, and I have no idea how any of that happened. Maybe it was the fact that I tried to do everything in my power to prevent it from happening; maybe that was just me ignorantly setting up a time bomb. Who knows.

All I know now, is that there are better people out there. There are people who, despite having a group of friends they've known for a long while, are warm and welcoming to an interesting new person that comes around. There are people who, despite already having a great amount of good friends, take their own time trying to get to know a new person. Maybe it's because these people are out of high school and gotten over their pretentious cliquey ways; maybe it's because these people were never pretentious in the first place. (It's the latter; I met these people while they were still in high school.)

So to every kid around here still stuck in your twelve year journey, still thinking your little group of friends is all high and mighty and complete, to all of you who only let people in who meet your predetermined standards, and for all of you who really are pretentious about the people you hangout with, well, you're stupid. There's no better way to say it, really.

Sure, I can make the best of what I have. But you know, I've tried, and I have a few great friends locally. I appreciate you guys. Otherwise, I have one regret in my life: not pushing to be home-schooled. Fuck this town, man. And all those surrounding it.

Disconnection never felt so grand. <3