Winter break. It's not usually supposed to be life-changing. But we're talking about my life here, so what are the chances of anything unfolding in a normal manner?
I've spent more time about five towns away from here than I've spent doing all of my other planned activities combined. I know some phenomenal people out there, and I wish I would have met all of them sooner, as to have hungout with them all through high school. It would have been worth it, because in two weeks, they've made me realize a few incredible things.
This town means nothing. There are a few select people who have treated me like garbage. There is one person in particular who has treated me as a subhuman character, way more than I ever thought imaginable. There have been times where I've wanted to somehow become friends with so many people who refuse to get to know me. I've been misinterpreted, judged terribly, and moreover, never given chances. People here have hurt me a thousand times more than everything in middle school that made me excited to move to a new district in the first place, and I have no idea how any of that happened. Maybe it was the fact that I tried to do everything in my power to prevent it from happening; maybe that was just me ignorantly setting up a time bomb. Who knows.
All I know now, is that there are better people out there. There are people who, despite having a group of friends they've known for a long while, are warm and welcoming to an interesting new person that comes around. There are people who, despite already having a great amount of good friends, take their own time trying to get to know a new person. Maybe it's because these people are out of high school and gotten over their pretentious cliquey ways; maybe it's because these people were never pretentious in the first place. (It's the latter; I met these people while they were still in high school.)
So to every kid around here still stuck in your twelve year journey, still thinking your little group of friends is all high and mighty and complete, to all of you who only let people in who meet your predetermined standards, and for all of you who really are pretentious about the people you hangout with, well, you're stupid. There's no better way to say it, really.
Sure, I can make the best of what I have. But you know, I've tried, and I have a few great friends locally. I appreciate you guys. Otherwise, I have one regret in my life: not pushing to be home-schooled. Fuck this town, man. And all those surrounding it.
Disconnection never felt so grand. <3
2 comments:
I understand this completely. It gets way better when you're out of high school. It's all just part of the learning experience- and you finally realize that you can't trust anyone but yourself (and your family). You see that there is a huge difference between a FRIEND and a REAL FRIEND. Theres a huge difference between the mind of a 15 y/o and a 20 y/o. That's why you just have to get out there and experience. Keep your head up and don't have any regrets. Dwelling on the past will get you NO WHERE. What happened happened you can't change it so you must take it as a learning experience.
You know I love you (if that's possible...) and completely agree with everything you said in this.
:D
Saying anything in addition to stating my agreement would make this redundant because you said everything.
<3BooBoo
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